ALONE

It has been a week since I have shifted to my new place and it has been exactly three days that my princess, my sister and nanny left. The first night in their absence was not really hard for I had a company online; I know he had to go starving just to keep me company for I would not let him budge away from his Mac. If you are reading this piece let me convey my paramount of thanks, I am indeed really grateful and indebted. The second night, I slept over at my cousin’s place so no problem but on the third night that was yesterday after much thought and braving my heart, I decided to stay at my place. How long could I go on sleeping over at other’s place and how long could I afford to ask friends and cousins to sleep over at my place? So that’s how I decided.
First I cooked my self some noodles for dinner which I had picked up from my way back from work. I switched on the television. I dare not flick the channels for I feared that I might chance upon a horror movie if it is at all being shown in one of the channel. I stayed glued to the cartoon network channel. It was safe. I was doing fine until my refrigerator started making some funny noises and the roof above me made those eerie creaking sounds and not to forget the dogs outside howling like crazy. I could hear my own heart pounding and I felt that it could explode out any time. I could not even knock my neighbors’ door for I hardly knew them. I increased the TV volume to suppress the sounds of the surrounding but it did not help. Rather it added on to the already existing sounds. I felt the sounds were competing against each other. All kinds of creepy thoughts started looming in my mind. I regretted for watching those horror movies in the past which now pictured in my mind. The scene from the Korean horror movie “shutter” where the spirit of the dead girl pulling the bedspread of her lover boy started haunting me. I felt trapped in my own thoughts. Just at the wrong time my laptop charger gave its way, I could not even go online. My laptop beeped the out of battery signal just as I signed in. I wanted to run away but where could I go. It was already 11 30 PM. OMG 11 30!!! Just half an hour to midnight. I cursed those story tellers who told me that it is at midnight that spirits roamed around. I prayed hard that no such spirit would ever find the address of my flat. I browsed through my contact list on my cell phone if I could call anyone but at this hour every one would be snoring away to glory. I did not have the nerve to trouble anyone.
My eyes rolled around frantically searching for some comfort and that’s when my eyes caught the sight of the photograph of His Holiness Dungsey Rinpoche in my bedroom. It gave so much comfort and solace to my racing heart. I picked it up and embraced it saying thank you a thousand times. Don’t be surprised but I was crying. I felt like a little girl left alone by her parents. Well I was still scared but I felt safe and protected somehow. I put on the music on my cell, wedged the earphones to my ears, got in to my bed and tried drifting away to sleep. It was past 8 Am when I opened my eyes this morning. I rushed to work without breakfast and of course thanking Dungsey rinpoche for the timely rescue.
I know this is just the beginning but I also know that with time I will accustom myself to being alone.

FeElinGs!

It is not really a sunny day today and I can feel the chill of the approaching winter creep in through my bones. And the crazy feeling that’s inside me is driving me nuts; I hate this uneasy, unexplainable feeling in me right now. The “missing you” feeling is always there so it is for sure that love is not at work this time. Love! My friend kesang is right when she says this is one abused word. It indeed is. Any way let me not dwell upon it anymore or I might land up boring you with all those same old story of hurt and deception.
So, I was telling you I actually don’t know what I am feeling right now. It’s something I cannot put in plain words. It’s a mixture of everything. There is happiness and with it a tinge of sadness. I am frantically searching for something I don’t know what, crazy isn’t it??? The Beatles are singing “yellow submarine” in my audio player. I can somehow relate to this song at this very moment.
People say life is impermanent and nothing is worth fighting for but yet again I see people fighting in the fit of survival. I hear news of bloodshed everyday on the TV; newspapers are flooded with news of killings and rapes of innocent people. Oh glory what has become of the world!
Just yesterday I was going though a blog and the pictures there simply amazed me. My heart pained to see those people in the pictures doing extraordinary stunts for simple survival. Yet on the other side I saw pictures of luxurious dining which my friend says is how the rich dine there, I mean in New York. Well he says a simple spoon on that table cost $150 and I could see hundreds there. Thousands of questions hammered in my head to which I knew there are no answers. He was right when he said “richer you get, greedier you would be” and I guess that answered all.
I am stopping here before I start sounding like a barmy person preaching some dim-witted lessons which I seriously don’t intend to. Bear with chuki! 

PS: I wrote this piece a couple of days ago but simply did not click the post button!

(photo courtesy Ugyen Zangmo)

My love story- sequel to 'a stranger online'

Yes I am in love and there is no denying to it…I am seeing someone, that very stranger I bragged about in my last post. Seeing him??? I haven't even met him, how can I possibly be seeing him? I have yet to invent a word for it. Well I guess that's what people would name "crazy love" yet so true, deep and pure. Now I am getting to appreciate that song "I loved you before I met you" by savage garden…I am still listening to it.

I know such stories exist only in movies and books but friends my love story is not something less than a fairy tale, I can assure you of it and hence I take pride in sharing it out.

Life for me has taken a new turn ever since this wonderful stranger stepped in to my world. And I am convinced that life from this time forth will be beautiful. Isn't it weird yet wonderful that we haven't met but so very much in love? "I miss you" has become our much treasured line and somewhere between the lines, the hope to be together someday is always there. I know we will and that's what keeps us going. We are world apart and yet a warm feeling always stirs in my soul when we talk. Well I guess that's the beauty of love or rather the beauty of our Love.

I don't know where these would lead to but for now I don't even want to care the end. This moment is special and I am living every moment of it with all my heart. I have come to realize that missing someone could be so hurting yet at the same time it's that sweet ache which makes you ever stronger. I can't wait for the day when we finally meet and prove the world that such story does happen in real. Yes we will prove it someday.

For now I am just amorous of what I am going through moreover of what we share…painful yet sweet, difficult yet worth it. I am left with no option than to take refuge in the same old line of romance that I won't promise I will be there for you forever but I do promise that I will be there with you as long as I breathe. I have found the perfect place where in I fit so perfectly...YOU, my stranger, my love


And this is my Love story!

A Stranger online

I finally got net connected to my place after my stupid office have blocked everything for that matter even friend finder sites. I wonder what contentment the IT people acquire blocking everything, if given a chance I very much would like to spank each one of them…seriously… "The labour net system is slowed down" is their rationale, well sounds vague but I cant do anything about it so be it…I can get net to my place and so that's how I got connected again…there's another reason why I got the connection…face book. ..Farming on the net!!! You sow, you plow and even harvest and sell…its real fun…and well of course you get to meet and chat with people from different walks of life!

Now here comes the main one…I don't know whether I should call it fate or chance but that day I was busy plowing my online farm as usual that somebody buzzed me…"hi…well I did not had anyone online and had been ages since I last chatted so I replied back hi there…and so it all started from there. From a simple hi hello to catch you next time. Well I don't know how the person on the other side felt but I must admit I have been utterly smitten (I hope it's the right word) by this stranger online at the very first chat. His way of conversation and his language was simply awesome. For him I might be just one more online FB girl he meets up everyday, so no big deal. And moreover he is living in one of the most happening cities of the world "New York" so that gives all the more reason he not to feel what I am feeling. Too busy to feel the feel!

Don't tell me I am falling for this stranger but I seem to wish him online everyday and the worst part I miss him too bad. Am I falling??? Hell no I tell myself…My sister and my flat mate think I am crazy wishing for something almost impossible and I know they are right…two different people living in two completely different world can never be one. ..Sigh…and being an English honors graduate, I have always been overwhelmed by people with good English and I believe that a person's nature is reflected through his writing so no doubt I was impressed here by a total stranger. May be I am being absurd and stupid like I always have been...lol…oh god its all "may be"….haha…

Whatever may be (again), I am leaving the whole thing to time which I hope will crack every unanswered question racking my brain now. And I believe in miracles so may be a miracle awaits me! And yeah I still go online for the simple reason I want to chat with this wonderful stranger I met online…serious!

PS : it is the same old post i have posted again

Shifting

Okay here I go…my room is in a mess, clothes and toys spread everywhere, suitcases crammed and boxes packed. No I am not lazy but I am shifting to my new apartment. My mom says tomorrow is a good day to shift; she must have consulted some local psychic as she always does for every little thing. Well I still don’t have any idea how do I go about it. I have been calling everyone on my contact list for help. I am glad to have got four of my guy friends to help me with the shifting. Oh yes my uncle has gladly volunteered to give me his hilux for a day and I am very grateful for the timely help.
Phew the thought itself has started tiring me but at the same I am very thrilled with the idea that I am to get settled in to my new apartment, all by myself. It has got two cozy rooms with a very cute living room and I am just too excited to do the interior decorations.
But I know I am going to miss my old flat and more over my very lively roommate. I am going to miss the crazy stupid stuffs we did as roomies. Those prank calls we made when we were bored and the act of innocence we put on the next day and of course the way we used to cover up for each other if anyone of our people were around for anything which might otherwise annoy them. Those late night movies we used to watch. The movies varied from horrors, comedy to romantic depending on our moods. Horror movies would end up scaring us so much that we used to go to the bathroom hand in hand chanting the basic mantras we know. And crying for no reason if it is a very emotional movie we are watching and later laughing at each other making fun of the smudged eye liners smeared all over our face. Guess what I am already missing the moments.
Excitement is in the air we breathe. My princess as cute as always has all her toys neatly packed and I tell you she is the most excited amongst all of us to go to a new neighborhood. My sis another excited soul had her stuffs packed weeks ago and my nanny has been bombarding me with all those how, when and what...phew…and my lovely neighbors have planned a farewell for me tomorrow. I am just too excited!!!

PS: I am already planning my housewarming!

My temper

I have a way with my temper, I seem to lose it every now and then for no great reason. More over these days I seem to lose it more over and over again. Music usually helped me but these days music have started having the conflicting effect. It simply goaded me and aggravated the situation more. I hate it when my phone rings more so when it is from a wrong number. I just get the urge to scream at the other end “check your number @@##$%%”….I hate when someone comes along with a chewing gum in her mouth chewing away to glory, the exasperating bursting sound it made. I know they meant no harm but still it gets to my nerve.
This morning I lost my temper with my princess, my daughter and send her crying to school. And god she had exams at school. I was revising her lessons when she could not remember a single thing of what was taught yesterday. That simply set me off. I hate it myself for what I did. Then my mom called after to ask her if they should confirm baby’s school admission down there with them. They have been calling me several times on this issue. As bad as my mood was, I was in no frame of mind to discuss this issue at least not today so I simply retorted back saying “mom can we talk this some other time”. Well, my mom after all, (I must have taken after her) she simply fumed over this and started shouting for no good reason. Well I very well understand that my parents wish for her to be with them and I am also very aware of the fact that my baby would be very happy with her grand parents. They pamper her too much; she leads a life of a princess with them no wonder my parents have nicked her princess. She is indeed a princess to them. Sometimes I wonder if ever I was given the same treatment as a child, even my sister too for that matter (Ahem I am not jealous). There was an instance when all of us including my dad were made to sit at the back of the car, squeezed just because princess did not wanted anyone in the front seat. Imagine my mom was actually shouting at us “get in the back and let her be comfortable.” We were literally squeezed for that entire 20 KM journey. Princess has also been insisting on going and studying there but I still have to give a second thought on this.
At work nothing has been better either. The stacked up papers on my table and the phone calls are simply making me go crazy. Don’t be surprised if you hear me talking to myself one of these days. It simply means that I am skirmishing a way out and I have no one to blame but my temper, my rage.
PS: I have to make sure that I get hold of a big chocolate for my princess today, I need to say sorry. And to my mom too! Pray!

In the Philippines

After much hue and cry of the budget thing in my office, I finally got my training in the Philippines approved and confirmed. It was 5th March 2009 and my first official trip outside the country. I was too excited. Five of us were going to the same training institute. Three of them were from the GNH commission and one from the same Ministry. So five of us all set to embark on a trip we were looking forward to so much. I was glad I had a lady friend and more so that we went to the same college. So 7th of March we flew to BKK but I dreaded my next flight. Four of my companions were on the same flight earlier then me and unfortunately my accounts people back in the office booked me on a different flight. Phew…imagine my plight when my friends left me all alone in the BKK airport. My flight was only after two hours. I bought a sim card, recharged it and tried calling my people back home…just 5 minutes and my phone went dead…expensive call rate huh!!..grrr…had almost an hour to kill…I did not go around for the fear that I might get lost and never find the way back…well this wasn’t my first time there, I had been there on my own before but this was the first time I was alone. What if I missed the flight??? For once I even wished I should not have come!!!
Finally I heard the call for my flight…I checked in without much difficulty and people were very friendly around. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw the sign board with my name at the Philippines airport and my friends were there too waiting. I even made one very good friend on the flight who in the process even told me her deepest secrets and her love story. We are still in touch!
Philippines was beautiful…even more beautiful were the people. After every session, we would head to the city; shopping or not shopping we were there every day in the city. It was so much fun and I had just two weeks for all the fun. And I met three most wonderful people in the institute. Danica who at first seemed to be a very serious girl, who just smiled and was done but I got friendly with her as time passed. I found out that she was sweet, frank and very very loveable. Kael, a very shy and quiet guy but very sweet too. I still remember how he would address me in the class “Miss choki”…well I didn’t get to spend much time with this guy but it was after I got back here that we really got to know each other. And lastly Paul, another sweet guy who always had something to tease us everyday and who would never do without a cigarette. Well the three of them, the most wonderful people I met on my trip to the Philippines and the ones who made my stay there a very unforgettable one. I thank you all for the lovely memories which I shall cherish all my life and I hope I will get to meet you some day.
Philippines indeed was very beautiful and the two weeks passed by so fast that before I knew, it was time to pack off. As much as I wanted to be home, I was not really ready to say good bye too soon but I had to...duty call you know. But the memories shall be edged in my heart forever.

“Salamad Po”...meaning “Thank you” in their language… they taught me