Thursday, October 11, 2012

My Apa, my super hero!

“Chuki, don’t play in the sun, you will be sun burnt” I hear my Apa shouting out of our two storey home as I smile at him mischievously and get back to the mountain of sand I had piled up trying to build a so called fairy world castle. “Chuki, here is your favourite biscuit” Apa lures me waving a glossy sachet of neatly packed biscuits and he succeeds for apa knows my weakness for sweet things. “Apa” I happily tread to him, Apa lovingly lifts me on his lap and hands me the biscuit” “Chuki, ama would be here anytime from town and she wouldn’t want to see you so dirty” Apa tells me as he wipes away the dust from my hair and adjusts my spectacles and as I happily chomp on the biscuits. “I have you Apa to protect me” I squeal back confidently. “Yes Apa will always be there for you” Apa smiles as he uttered these lines. And as I continue munching, I could feel the warmth of my Father’s love all over me and I was never so reassured of my existence as I sat on my Apa’s lap.

 Time sure does fly so fast and death gives an end to it, it was only yesterday I was squeaking comfortably on my apa’s lap unknown of the fact that it wasn’t for forever and today here I am with my hero gone forever.

As my Apa laid helplessly on the hospital bed, battling for his life, his breathing getting heavier each day, each day losing his senses but our names clear on his lips and as time passed his memory gave way too. All we could hear was his shallow breathing and as we helplessly stood by him wishing hard if we could share him our breath, give him a part of our life so that he could come back to life and gift us back the joy of living as he always did. But NO! Death had his plans and my Apa surrendered to its cruelty, Apa gave up the fight for his life.

 Tears couldn’t bring him back (if only!) , we checked on the monitor wishing the machines might be at fault but no, Apa had left us and this time it was forever. I didn’t find myself so helpless and useless before then I was at that moment. The person who bought me my first set of kira, the person who taught me the first step to dance, the person who first took me to school, the person, my superhero, my apa was not around anymore. The stillness of my apa awoke the little girl in me, longed for apa’s words, ringing in my head “apa will be there for you always”. I longed for apa’s hands to wipe off the tears and tell me “apa is here, don’t you worry!” all I could hear was the reverberation of the oxygen which was of no use now. My only superhero left us to begin a journey all alone…. My apa would never return, never walk through that door and catch me. I would never jump into his arms again…

 …The mornings are not the same anymore without you apa, the hollow feeling never leaves me and I know it will be with me until the day I die. I will never be whole without you apa! I will only find myself again the day I meet you, the day I will be on your lap, the day I will hear you say “apa is here!” I love you Apa and I miss you beyond all measures! May your soul rest in peace…


  1. Very touching and sentimental piece! The write up is superb, as always! Love it!

  2. it did not come out as i intended, Thank you sir:)

  3. Sorry to hear Chuks :(

    Come on girl, death is the only universal truth we accept without a fight, be strong and live in the memories of the man who will continue to be your SUPER-HERO. The purpose of the death is not to rob the living of his/ her existence but to inspire the latter for a better living.

    Sending sincere prayers and condolences.

  4. being strong is the only option left i guess, Thank you zamin:)