Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Never mended fuss

We ended up fussing again, a routine which I seriously do not like but something that keeps happening for no good reason though I try not to let it happen the each time we get back, and this is the third time and may be the last time happening (cos this time it seems we will not be getting back). This time, he refused to compromise, making a fool out of me, while I stood at his mercy. No – the matter will have to wait….
Wait!!! I worried if I would be able to wait through; you know the usual pain of misunderstanding, fear and hurt. I smsed, “Please, I can’t make it through with this torment.” He didn’t heed, he was rather unheard and unmoved. I said (of course to myself), “All-right,” and walked up the stairs, straight to my flat and in to my bed…the touch of the December breeze was almost numbing my calmness.
It wasn’t so late a night and my friend was not there and with the recent transfer of her parents to paro, I would have to be alone at home most of the time and especially from now on i guess.
The night rather came in beautifully,. I as usual put on the music on my cell, my mind still filled with so many questions to which I did not seem to find any answers… I was kind of tired, too tired in fact that I went in to sleep easily.
And the next morning, the hurt was still there and the pain that tagged along with it…gosh…this is not done! I glanced at my cell, no sms and it was 8AM and I had just an hour for office…I checked my friend’s room (it has become my habit to go to her room the very first thing in the morning), she is back and still sleeping, I woke her up and I rushed to the bath room, brushed quickly and flushed my face with the icy cold water…by 8 45 I was all set to go to work.. My friend wasn’t ready so I went off alone…
Back at work, a quick glance at my mails and set myself to work (a routine everyday) and this continued for sometime…..but time did its miracle(i believe in miracles)...the feelings faded and before i realised i was back....

It’s been almost two weeks now and nothing about me seemed the same or worried or for that matter, affected anymore. How thankful I remained for the friends and cousins whose presence in my life continues to make me feel at best, no matter in what kind of situation my stupidity leads me in. The other day my cousin brother was telling me after listening to my story “u know au, the relations which require effort to be maintained are never true…and if relations are true they never require the effort to be maintained” and isn’t this true?
I couldn’t care much if my life should change for a person but it is pretty certain that the friends and cousins I trust will always be there for me whether I am a good person or a bad person and I know they are never going to leave me no matter what like the person I trusted just disappeared in to thin air.
With this assurance, I am starting a new phase, yet another chapter or may be it is just a continuation of an already existing one...
tsheki...written on 14th january 2009

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The road never to be taken

People say “if you are capable of loving some one so much then you may also be capable of hating some one so much” well I don’t know how true this phrase holds but I can certainly be sure that every good thing has its own boundary, be it even love for that matter. I never knew I would be walking the same road again which I had chose never to walk again. But as bad as my luck would have it, I found myself uncontrollably walking or rather being dragged to that very road. This time it was even worse, there was even more complication, even more frequent were the heart burns and the hurts were even more hurting. Stupid as it may sound but I was in a nameless relationship. When people asked me about it, I was always with one answer and always the same” I don’t know” stupid isn’t it? And yet there I was flaunting about the mysterious bond, being as stupid as ever. But all said and done, at the end of the day, you are the one who gets hurt. No matter how much you flaunt or how much you try to hide, the tears give way…

Now this is where my crazy yet understanding friends come in to the picture. The other day I was chatting with my bestest buddy online who is in the Netherlands doing her MA and as usual we were in to our own world of telling each other of what was happening at our sides since her departure. She would always be very philosophical with whatever I tell her. She is one person who would successfully transport me in to a magic world of the angels where only happiness rules. She is one sweet person for whose company I am blessed now for something good I must have done in my past life. And there, my other friend in Korea would jerk me right back to the reality world with her ever stern tone, of course the sisterly way. She is one person who would do anything to get me in to the line but always for my good. And there is one more, the girly one or rather the confident one. She would always be ready with a way out no matter what on earth situation I was in. and yes she always makes me feel proud to be a woman with her ever confident talks. So the three of them, the sweet one, the stern one and the confident one. Doesn’t that make the best combination???

In short, I am blessed with the best people who always make me feel at my best. They always have a way to bring out the best in me no matter what kind of crap my stupidity must have got me in to. They always manage to take me out.

As for the road encounter, I am done with it. And like I said to him, “it was a stage to learn more.” And indeed it was!

‘Every thing is fair in LOVE’

Life has never been the same for Jamyang since he made a grand entrance in to her disturbed world and then left, every passing day would be a torture for her without his presence but the irony was they did not had anything in between for which she is suffering so much but love is blind so was her love for him. She never cared what he felt for her, she loved him more than anything and that was just enough for her to go on…of course she would wish he could love her back but some things were there that did not allow love to blossom between them…but the question that was always asked was “is loving someone a sin…does religion teaches u not to love…” it is funny…religion preaches u to love and at the same time restricts u too..
Jamyang never in her wildest thoughts had ever imagined that a person so different not only by nature but by birth would cross her fate…she was swept off her world the first time she saw him…he was so calm, so friendly and handsome an the best thing about him was he was not ordinary. Yet she never intended to be in this position that she was today until the night he asked her out which changed her everything, she could not blame him because he never meant to leave her in this situation. Some where in the corners of her little heart was a hope that he felt the same way she did…that he also longed for her and was as excited as she was when there was a mail…
Jamyang always believed in miracles and he was no less than a miracle for her…he came all the way to relief her from the pains she had been just through, he welcomed her to the new world where only love rules, he comforted her and assured her of his support anytime and always.
The only thing Jamyang needed for her to go on was his love, his support and his presence. The fact that he was so far always killed her within, she always finds herself time and again looking at the calendar and wishing the days would pass more quickly. They had made promises to always keep in touch which they do and some where in the midst of his mails she could read that he missed her too though he did not actually write it down but some things are best understood when it is unsaid.
He was not ordinary but was a human being like the rest of us and Jamyang didn’t care about the barriers that stopped them from being one. She did not know what was fair in war but she definitely knew that everything was fair in love…in her love or may be someday in their LOVE…..
“They say it is difficult to wait for some one
They say it’s difficult to forget someone
But the most difficult thing is when you don’t know whether to wait or to forget someone”