Monday, December 27, 2010
This is so not me or have I been like this all the way along? I AM CONFUSED AS EVER and this is definitely not new. I have been confused over life’s little things. I have been confused when I am to make a choice between two shampoos, one for the oily hair and the other for dry. I am confused what kind of hair I have. I am confused when people ask me where I am from. My dad is from the west when my mom is from the east but we are settled in the south. Gone are the days when we could just scream “ama” and “apa” and they would come running for us. Grown up now so they say but I feel that we are still that little child who needs to be guided. But this time I got myself in to a very strange confusion and luzee was right when she told me that sometimes words are the best comforts, it indeed is.
I did not know or rather was totally unprepared that someone could just turn out of the blue and make my whole otherwise perfect life so disheveled. It was just a matter of few days and here I am on a threshold not knowing where I should be heading to. Whether I should just shook it off as any other insignificant stuff that happen every day or should I chase it. Well it seems I can’t execute both. The first one because it wasn’t any insignificant stuff so I can’t really shook it off my shoulder and the second one because I can’t do it alone, the fire should be burning at both ends. And as confused as I ever can be, I have no clue as to where I stand. Ha! great me, I always succeed in putting myself on such a road where I can see the dead end so clearly. And this time the dead end came in sight rather soon than expected.
I know expectation leads to misery and I was the one yelling at my friends whenever they are in to such stupid confusions. And here I am totally in the confusion circle and yes yes yes I am expecting too. Too bad but can’t help it. It is what I call the vicious cycle or the contagious cycle. Or let me put in a more positive light- I am not expecting but hoping and it is hope that gets you going. Isn’t it?
Well the confusion isn’t going to remain a confusion all life through. It ought to get cleared some day if not it will fade away with time like any other thing. For now I can only say that TIME can only tell the future, if not it is TIME which shall do its wonder once more like always.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
“Being busy is not an excuse” this is what Pema always said whenever Sangay excused himself on the pretext of being over loaded with works for being silent all this while. Pema well understood that the profession he was in demanded a lot more of his time then what were actually expected. But that does not meant that he completely forget about her, sometimes it would be weeks Pema wouldn’t even hear from him and for a girl being ignored was more hurting than anything else in the world. The feeling of not wanted was something a girl dreads always and Pema was just another ordinary girl. Sangay never understood her enough to care, it seemed to Pema.
It was face book that brought them together. From a simple chat to coffees, lunches and dinner. This was how Pema and Sangay started off. The beginning was beautiful unknown to Pema the stored pain with it which was due to split open any time. Just few months in to the relationship Pema started facing the painful twinge of having trusted someone who did not even care to keep in touch. Well for sometime distance did play a role in their relationship but it was always Pema who made the effort to keep the fire burning in their relationship despite the distance. Sangay was least bothered as always. And the worst part was he never made an effort to let Pema know if at all the relationship was still on. Pema was in a bond which was being out rightly ignored and unwanted.
Pema now loathed face book for the soreness it had brought along, the same face book she had been so grateful for bringing Sangay to her.
Keeping a stone in her heart, Pema finally decided to confront him and end the relationship if need be. Well it was not a surprise when Sangay so readily agreed with her which was even more hurting.
so this is just another of Face book couple who broke up out of thousands who are yet to experience the beauty and the ugliness of love, relationship and of course face book.
Moral: If you love someone, you better PROVE it. Because LOVE is not a noun to be define, but a verb to be acted upon.
PS: it’s a story I have heard from one of my friend and she says it’s her friend’s story, the names have been changed though.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Darn me...Here I go again! People pardon me for I am going to pour all my emotions here like I always do. Writing is the only way I can express myself and the only channel through which I can calm my racing mind. As a kid, I remember scribbling all those emotions stocked up at the back page of my notebooks after mom’s spanking just because I was out playing marble in the dust. I so hardly wished if mom could read it and understand me more but sad she never went to school. And being the introvert kind of person I am, I would never let out my thoughts, I would rather scribble all that I want to scream. I just let it out in black and white. So here I go again.
It isn’t just about feelings, it is about that trust you have built over the years for each other and it is about the way you care about each other. And as I try and pen down my feelings right now, I am lost, so completely lost. There are thousand and one things in my mind yet I am out of words to reveal what I am going through. Meeting, parting, hellos and goodbyes are a part and parcel of life. I am well aware of all these facts of life but still I am cheerless. May be watching too much of those emotional, romantic flicks aren’t really good. The only good about it is that it makes me sob too badly and it happens everyday. And the weather too seems to see eye to eye with my frame of mind today. It is a gloomy, cold and sad day out side. Well winter is here with all its grandeur.
Do you believe in moments and more so spending a moment with some one you care for? Where everything just clicks, where you just feel you don’t want the moment to let go, where you just don’t want to differentiate between what is right and wrong, where you just want to believe that it is the right thing, where your fingers fits in each other so perfectly, where everything just falls in place, the right moment is all you need. I am a believer and so I do and I am one of those lucky few to have felt that moment. But here again reality knocks in. Moments come and moments go and some moments never come back no matter what. But the moment shall always be edged in our heart forever and we will miss it alwaysJ.
Watching the stars fade in as the crack of dawn illuminated the sky, listening to the pigeons flutter their wings by the window, smiling at the person next to you and being grateful for the wonderful joys life just got for me. Those are the moments I shall always savor, moments which might never come back but in one corner of your heart, always wishing it to come again and again and again.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
There were fifteen of us who started the trip to Zhemgang on the morning of October 23. This is my fourth trip to the Dzongkhag. But I can say that Zhemgang has a fresh story for me each time. Glancing at the travel itinerary we had seven days of walking and around three days of road journey. We had media people with us this time. We tried to be cautious of what we converse or even do for the fear that it might come out as a story in the paper. But as we become friendlier and closer day by day, we realized they were also like any another human being. The only difference was they were out looking for stories and we were out making one.
The first walking day was unexpectedly surprising especially for me when I spotted the first house just after 15 minutes of walking. That very house took us three hours the last time I visited.
The next six days followed walking strenuously up and down the mountains of Zhemgang. The frequent and the most favorite question we asked was always “how much more now”? The guys would say “just 15 minutes more” and only after hearing the 15 minutes for around 5 times or more we would see our destination. They had a way to keep us going.
The nights would be filled with songs and dances performed by local women and of course not to forget the bangchang. A cup would send me whirling so I had to limit it unless I intended to stay there. We were totally cut off from the world of mobile phones and it actually felt good for a change to listen to birds chirping and the soothing music of the streams. But as soon as our mobile signaled connectivity, everyone would get busy calling up and informing their whereabouts to their loved ones back home.
I did my part too. The funniest part was that since the connectivity was very inconstant, one was required to stand still on a spot as soon as he gets connectivity on his cell. It was a very amusing scene when you see people acting like robot trying to connect to the other side of the world. The last day of our walk was the most difficult. Nine hours of walking down hill led us (the three women) drop flat on our bed in Panbang. With blisters on each foot, sun burnt and totally tired we felt never so ugly like this before. But the experience was worth all the pain. And now as we look back, I can proudly say that I have climbed the mountains of Zhemgang which many would miss with the road development coming up fast to the villages.
PS: Business Bhutan has been kind to publish this article in their paper. Thank you