We ended up fussing again, a routine which I seriously do not like but something that keeps happening for no good reason though I try not to let it happen the each time we get back, and this is the third time and may be the last time happening (cos this time it seems we will not be getting back). This time, he refused to compromise, making a fool out of me, while I stood at his mercy. No – the matter will have to wait….
Wait!!! I worried if I would be able to wait through; you know the usual pain of misunderstanding, fear and hurt. I smsed, “Please, I can’t make it through with this torment.” He didn’t heed, he was rather unheard and unmoved. I said (of course to myself), “All-right,” and walked up the stairs, straight to my flat and in to my bed…the touch of the December breeze was almost numbing my calmness.
It wasn’t so late a night and my friend was not there and with the recent transfer of her parents to paro, I would have to be alone at home most of the time and especially from now on i guess.
The night rather came in beautifully,. I as usual put on the music on my cell, my mind still filled with so many questions to which I did not seem to find any answers… I was kind of tired, too tired in fact that I went in to sleep easily.
And the next morning, the hurt was still there and the pain that tagged along with it…gosh…this is not done! I glanced at my cell, no sms and it was 8AM and I had just an hour for office…I checked my friend’s room (it has become my habit to go to her room the very first thing in the morning), she is back and still sleeping, I woke her up and I rushed to the bath room, brushed quickly and flushed my face with the icy cold water…by 8 45 I was all set to go to work.. My friend wasn’t ready so I went off alone…
Back at work, a quick glance at my mails and set myself to work (a routine everyday) and this continued for sometime…..but time did its miracle(i believe in miracles)...the feelings faded and before i realised i was back....
It’s been almost two weeks now and nothing about me seemed the same or worried or for that matter, affected anymore. How thankful I remained for the friends and cousins whose presence in my life continues to make me feel at best, no matter in what kind of situation my stupidity leads me in. The other day my cousin brother was telling me after listening to my story “u know au, the relations which require effort to be maintained are never true…and if relations are true they never require the effort to be maintained” and isn’t this true?
I couldn’t care much if my life should change for a person but it is pretty certain that the friends and cousins I trust will always be there for me whether I am a good person or a bad person and I know they are never going to leave me no matter what like the person I trusted just disappeared in to thin air.
With this assurance, I am starting a new phase, yet another chapter or may be it is just a continuation of an already existing one...
tsheki...written on 14th january 2009