The vicious cycle of confusion!

This is so not me or have I been like this all the way along? I AM CONFUSED AS EVER and this is definitely not new. I have been confused over life’s little things. I have been confused when I am to make a choice between two shampoos, one for the oily hair and the other for dry. I am confused what kind of hair I have. I am confused when people ask me where I am from. My dad is from the west when my mom is from the east but we are settled in the south. Gone are the days when we could just scream “ama” and “apa” and they would come running for us. Grown up now so they say but I feel that we are still that little child who needs to be guided. But this time I got myself in to a very strange confusion and luzee was right when she told me that sometimes words are the best comforts, it indeed is.
I did not know or rather was totally unprepared that someone could just turn out of the blue and make my whole otherwise perfect life so disheveled. It was just a matter of few days and here I am on a threshold not knowing where I should be heading to. Whether I should just shook it off as any other insignificant stuff that happen every day or should I chase it. Well it seems I can’t execute both. The first one because it wasn’t any insignificant stuff so I can’t really shook it off my shoulder and the second one because I can’t do it alone, the fire should be burning at both ends. And as confused as I ever can be, I have no clue as to where I stand. Ha! great me, I always succeed in putting myself on such a road where I can see the dead end so clearly. And this time the dead end came in sight rather soon than expected.

I know expectation leads to misery and I was the one yelling at my friends whenever they are in to such stupid confusions. And here I am totally in the confusion circle and yes yes yes I am expecting too. Too bad but can’t help it. It is what I call the vicious cycle or the contagious cycle. Or let me put in a more positive light- I am not expecting but hoping and it is hope that gets you going. Isn’t it?

Well the confusion isn’t going to remain a confusion all life through. It ought to get cleared some day if not it will fade away with time like any other thing. For now I can only say that TIME can only tell the future, if not it is TIME which shall do its wonder once more like always.

A Face Book Story

“Being busy is not an excuse” this is what Pema always said whenever Sangay excused himself on the pretext of being over loaded with works for being silent all this while. Pema well understood that the profession he was in demanded a lot more of his time then what were actually expected. But that does not meant that he completely forget about her, sometimes it would be weeks Pema wouldn’t even hear from him and for a girl being ignored was more hurting than anything else in the world. The feeling of not wanted was something a girl dreads always and Pema was just another ordinary girl. Sangay never understood her enough to care, it seemed to Pema.
It was face book that brought them together. From a simple chat to coffees, lunches and dinner. This was how Pema and Sangay started off. The beginning was beautiful unknown to Pema the stored pain with it which was due to split open any time. Just few months in to the relationship Pema started facing the painful twinge of having trusted someone who did not even care to keep in touch. Well for sometime distance did play a role in their relationship but it was always Pema who made the effort to keep the fire burning in their relationship despite the distance. Sangay was least bothered as always. And the worst part was he never made an effort to let Pema know if at all the relationship was still on. Pema was in a bond which was being out rightly ignored and unwanted.
Pema now loathed face book for the soreness it had brought along, the same face book she had been so grateful for bringing Sangay to her.
Keeping a stone in her heart, Pema finally decided to confront him and end the relationship if need be. Well it was not a surprise when Sangay so readily agreed with her which was even more hurting.
so this is just another of Face book couple who broke up out of thousands who are yet to experience the beauty and the ugliness of love, relationship and of course face book.
Moral: If you love someone, you better PROVE it. Because LOVE is not a noun to be define, but a verb to be acted upon.

PS: it’s a story I have heard from one of my friend and she says it’s her friend’s story, the names have been changed though.

Moments To Remember :)

Darn me...Here I go again! People pardon me for I am going to pour all my emotions here like I always do. Writing is the only way I can express myself and the only channel through which I can calm my racing mind. As a kid, I remember scribbling all those emotions stocked up at the back page of my notebooks after mom’s spanking just because I was out playing marble in the dust. I so hardly wished if mom could read it and understand me more but sad she never went to school. And being the introvert kind of person I am, I would never let out my thoughts, I would rather scribble all that I want to scream. I just let it out in black and white. So here I go again.

It isn’t just about feelings, it is about that trust you have built over the years for each other and it is about the way you care about each other. And as I try and pen down my feelings right now, I am lost, so completely lost. There are thousand and one things in my mind yet I am out of words to reveal what I am going through. Meeting, parting, hellos and goodbyes are a part and parcel of life. I am well aware of all these facts of life but still I am cheerless. May be watching too much of those emotional, romantic flicks aren’t really good. The only good about it is that it makes me sob too badly and it happens everyday. And the weather too seems to see eye to eye with my frame of mind today. It is a gloomy, cold and sad day out side. Well winter is here with all its grandeur.

Do you believe in moments and more so spending a moment with some one you care for? Where everything just clicks, where you just feel you don’t want the moment to let go, where you just don’t want to differentiate between what is right and wrong, where you just want to believe that it is the right thing, where your fingers fits in each other so perfectly, where everything just falls in place, the right moment is all you need. I am a believer and so I do and I am one of those lucky few to have felt that moment. But here again reality knocks in. Moments come and moments go and some moments never come back no matter what. But the moment shall always be edged in our heart forever and we will miss it alwaysJ.

Watching the stars fade in as the crack of dawn illuminated the sky, listening to the pigeons flutter their wings by the window, smiling at the person next to you and being grateful for the wonderful joys life just got for me. Those are the moments I shall always savor, moments which might never come back but in one corner of your heart, always wishing it to come again and again and again.

WALKING IN ZHEMGANG BEFORE ROADS TAKE OVER

There were fifteen of us who started the trip to Zhemgang on the morning of October 23. This is my fourth trip to the Dzongkhag. But I can say that Zhemgang has a fresh story for me each time. Glancing at the travel itinerary we had seven days of walking and around three days of road journey. We had media people with us this time. We tried to be cautious of what we converse or even do for the fear that it might come out as a story in the paper. But as we become friendlier and closer day by day, we realized they were also like any another human being. The only difference was they were out looking for stories and we were out making one.
The first walking day was unexpectedly surprising especially for me when I spotted the first house just after 15 minutes of walking. That very house took us three hours the last time I visited.

The next six days followed walking strenuously up and down the mountains of Zhemgang. The frequent and the most favorite question we asked was always “how much more now”? The guys would say “just 15 minutes more” and only after hearing the 15 minutes for around 5 times or more we would see our destination. They had a way to keep us going.

The nights would be filled with songs and dances performed by local women and of course not to forget the bangchang. A cup would send me whirling so I had to limit it unless I intended to stay there. We were totally cut off from the world of mobile phones and it actually felt good for a change to listen to birds chirping and the soothing music of the streams. But as soon as our mobile signaled connectivity, everyone would get busy calling up and informing their whereabouts to their loved ones back home.

I did my part too. The funniest part was that since the connectivity was very inconstant, one was required to stand still on a spot as soon as he gets connectivity on his cell. It was a very amusing scene when you see people acting like robot trying to connect to the other side of the world. The last day of our walk was the most difficult. Nine hours of walking down hill led us (the three women) drop flat on our bed in Panbang. With blisters on each foot, sun burnt and totally tired we felt never so ugly like this before. But the experience was worth all the pain. And now as we look back, I can proudly say that I have climbed the mountains of Zhemgang which many would miss with the road development coming up fast to the villages.

PS: Business Bhutan has been kind to publish this article in their paper. Thank you

One evening in Zhemgang…

One after another, the figuria shots continued as I looked upon. I checked the time on my cell, it was already past midnight. I prayed within that they would finish it up fast as I tried to swallow in my share of figuria. I was worn-out, totally exhausted and sleepy; I just longed to crash flat on the bed. But as tired as I was after 10 long hours of journey from the Capital, I was enjoying every moment of it. A moment which would have happened long time back but somehow never did clicked. Well “every good thing waits” makes sense now. Five of us, two of them got introduced at that moment to me. Menuka, a quiet girl, she worked for RDTC and Gyan, a very friendly character and he was doing his intern at the hospital. Tashi was my old college mate who was a journalist now and the host was my long time chat friend. Sans (that’s how I like to call him) and I got acquainted on face book while he was still doing his MBBS in Srilanka and since then we have never failed to keep clued-up on each other on whatever was happening on each side. We even lost touch in between but the tie was always there which would always reconnect us. The funniest part was that we never met in person even after we found out that we were in the same town. And here we were, finally meeting in Zhemgang. Zhemgang does have surprises stock up for each time I visit.
The bottle was finally emptied and sans rose up not to leave but to announce dinner time. Yes midnight supper he meant. I already had my dinner but I didn’t mind having one more. So I joined them. You can imagine the time now. A few jokes were cracked during the process of intake; I tried a hand at the jokes too. The supper done, everyone rose up to leave, to drop me (I was putting up at the guest house). And the next minute, sans was driving us through the hushed town of Zhemgang. As we neared the guest house, Gyan declared that we take a ride. “Ride in Zhemgang??? Well it sounded weird; there wasn’t any Buddha point or any Sangaygang where we could go for a ride. Nevertheless off we went on the so called ride through the deserted road of Zhemgang. It seemed to me as if the road had been abandoned for ages. It was scary but with two pleasant tough guys though a little intoxicated, I felt safe or may be I was trying console myself :p. Whatever it may be, I was sure they wouldn’t leave us or would they??? Let me leave this to the guys to answer.
Sans narrated how he saw a leopard once on his way and how masculine it looked. And of course he didn’t forget to talk about the recent accident that occurred on the Reotala road. It may sound so sissy but I was scared hearing about death so closely. And to add on Tashi related an incident of a man who was recently found dead near a stream. The man must have gone in search of mushrooms when he died mysteriously. I could hear the stream flowing sinuously outside, it was eerie. I heaved a sigh of relief when sans finally decided to turn the car back after pointing to the spot where he said that people come to cleanse their car. We headed back and this time it was up towards RDTC to drop Menuka back to her place. After bidding good night to Menuka, we finally headed back to the guest house. But as I hugged them good night at the gate, I realized I was already missing them.
As I slipped silently next to my friend trying not to disturb her, I couldn’t help smiling at the wonderful time I just had. As I text my friend thank you, deep inside I knew such more moments were yet to come. It was 3 am when I finally gave in to my beauty sleep.

My encounter with Edward Cullen

I am not trying to be Stephenie meyer here but there is no doubt that I am her fan. Her twilight series have left me wishing for more of her novels.
Edward Cullen the vampire hero in the story just took my heart at the very first read. And I know I am not the only one to be awestruck by him, there are thousands all over the world wishing for some one like him. And I am just one of them but here I have my own story to tell you about my encounter with Edward Cullen, the hero vampire.
One evening as I was taking my usual walk up the sangaygang hill, I was alone and it surprised me to see that no one came for their routine walk. As I put on my music in my ipod and started climbing up, I heard a jingling sound in the bushes nearby. Curiosity dragged me to that very bush which was now actually shaking. As I slowly stretched out my neck to see what was happening behind, a figure wreathing in pain (it seemed to me at first) caught my eyes. His back was turned towards me and I could hear his snorting and of course he was breathing very heavily. “Hello can I help you? I tried sounding friendly. The figure as if he was caught doing some felony turned with so much force towards me that I could feel the wind forcefully brushed my hair and as he flashed his white fangs to me, I screamed “Edward!!!” My eyes opened wide with shock I could feel that it might pop out any moment. My heart was racing abnormally. His facial expression changed and I could see that he was surprised as I was: How do you know me? Was the very first thing he asked me? “You are Edward Cullen, the vampire and I know you because I have seen you in the movies and read about you too. I was stammering while I was trying to explain to him. Bella was right in her description of him. He was one beautiful guy one would have ever come across and anyone could fall for him at the very first sight. Can u read my mind as well? I asked err…yeah I can” he said. I was getting too inquisitive by then; I asked him how it is to be a vampire and how hard it is for him to be with a human. The incredible thing here was I wasn’t scared not even close and I guess that made him more comfortable with me. He told me that it wasn’t as easy as it seem to be a vampire which fed on human blood. Though they are vegetarians, people still treated them with hatred and misunderstanding. “We are misunderstood” he finished his narration smiling off and I tell you I was falling for this guy. And god he could read my mind and I was trying hard not to think about it but as helpless as I was. It was too dark by then and I had to go back to my place. I invited him to my place but he said he was comfortable in the wilderness of our beautiful country. He assured me that he would meet me tomorrow again same time same place. Thus began our everyday meeting. I would rush from my work as soon as the clock stroked 5PM and without wasting much time, I would head to sangaygang. Falling in love with him was inevitable for me but I was taken off guard when he proposed me after two weeks of our so called meeting. The very first thing I shot back was “ what about Bella? “ he laughed it off and said “Bella is someone I have loved and someone I can never forget but she was a human and what happened with her was some hundred years ago so you imagine her to be alive now??? “I am a human too” I stammered. “that’s the beauty of your life, you die and you reborn and I must tell you that you are the very Bella I had fallen in love some hundred years ago and I came all the way from forks just for you. My instincts told me that I would find you here. And it still surprises me that I cant still read your mind” he smiled. I was dumbstruck by then. How come I don’t remember anything of my past life? Well I am a human being and that answered the question…I am Bella….my mind echoed these lines and my heart beat rather furiously. But I was comforted to know that my mind was not readable though I have been very careful and in control of my wandering thoughts. Thus started another of the Edward Bella story in the Thunder Dragon Country.
Epilogue
I was near Edward, his cold face yet calm face was staring at me. I was mesmerized for a while; it was his icy cold touch that woke me up. “Edward” I mused...”yes darling” he answered back as he blew in his cold breathe in to my face. I close my eyes trying to figure it out if it was a dream. No it wasn’t, Edward indeed was near me with his cold gaze fixed on me. I don’t know how I smelt to him but I know his love over powered his want for blood. And I loved him for all that, with all that I could.

PS: it was just my wild imagination at work. In the process of trying to be like stephenie meyer, I know I sounded so stupid. But that’s the beauty of writing I guess and I really hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed creating it. At least I brought Edward to Bhutan. And if you like it, let me know, next time I am going to invite Jacob Black…hehe.

Blame it on me!

I don’t blame my sister when she says I am stupid neither my friends when they say how naive I am. I deserve all those commentary at this very moment. My sister says I am stupid because I am brooding and slaying my liveliness over something which doesn’t even deserve to be given a thought(well she loves me, that’s why she says these to make me feel better) and my friends consider me naïve because I had the audacity to trust someone who is not even here, giving my heart to someone whom I haven’t even seen. Well all I can say is its Fate; I know this is a very frail reason even then I beseech you spare me from further interjections. It was fate which bought us together and it is fate again making us play the disappearing game. No I am not assuming anything nor trying to give explanations. I am just vomiting out my thoughts. And I may be wrong too. Forgive me if I am.
Trust? Now this is where my greatest weakness lies. I trust people very fast. And despite the fact that I have got in to several such blunders before did not hold me back from trusting a total stranger this time. This was the limit of my stupidity. I feel no indignity when I admit I am stupid. But at the same time I am not regretting anything of what I did or had because that was what I exactly wanted at that very point of time. And I don’t give any assurance that I won’t trust another tomorrow. You know life has to move on, the pages of life’s book has to be flipped rather being glued on the same page. But of course the lessons have to be learnt as well. And I take pride in telling you that I have learnt my lessons too well.
And Mr. Stranger if you are reading this piece, please know that I have every reason to be awfully thankful to you for everything. The reasons are best known to me. smile 

Motherhood!

I don’t know what I should call it but 26 years and I feel that I have lived my life, not because I have accomplished something very great but because I had the advantage to endure everything in life, more than any women would have in a life time.
At 21 and still in college I became a mother, a totally unprepared mother but let me tell you, when the hospital people bought the baby for the very first time to me and when I held it for the first time to my heart I truly felt lucky…lucky not because I became a mother but lucky because I just gave this little creature a beautiful life. And no matter what people said, I knew this little angel would brighten up my world from this time forth.
Motherhood as I would say is the most beautiful chapter in a women’s life. Though my motherhood was amidst those entire crises yet it was beautiful in its own way. It had its own charisma. When my parents came to know about it, the guilt of not having been the expected daughter to them always accompanied me. But now at this point of life, I know I have achieved their love and pride back.
I decided to live with the man I thought I would love for the rest of my life but you see life doesn’t always come out the way we wanted it. Everything changes with time as people say, so did mine.
For now life has taken a good turn for me, I have a good job, my parents are happy and I have this beautiful angel by my side. With all these people around me, I don’t think I have room for a man in my life again (pardon me but men have taught me the hard way)…lol…but yet again you never know what’s stock up for you and I am copiously equipped for anything Mr. Fate has designed for me.
I consider myself way too lucky when it comes to my beautiful daughter, who is my world. She is my best friend, my pride actually my everything. The mere fact that she has started schooling gives me immense pleasure. After a tiring day at office, her cheerful face and her every chirpy nature lightens me up. And at night as she cuddles up beside me, I know this is true happiness…at least for me!